These last few months I really haven’t done much!
What with panic anxiety and depression I could say I haven’t been myself
But that would be a bit of an understatement
Some days I haven’t even got dressed I have a shower and put clean PJs on
I have tried everything to overcome the three curses,
But just seem to sink a little lower each day
I think what makes me so angry is I have no idea what started any of it off
This week I have lost my key card, mind you I haven’t been over the door
Where it has gone I haven’t got a clue, and I had no reason to have it out my purse.
I take an antidepressant which obviously isn’t helping me much
Maybe the fact that I don’t like antidepressants (I think they are dangerous) I may have in my subconscious that fact so therefore I block them from working on me
Oh I don’t know it’s all guess work, all I know is how I feel and that’s crap.
I pretend to be happy,
But that's not how I feel.
I try to focus on the pain;
It's the only thing that's real.
I am not all right,
And I try to be strong.
I'm not okay
As I sometimes let on.
I drew a smile on my face,
Hiding my breaking heart.
I have so many things to say,
But I don't know where to start.
I feel so empty,
And I am so alone.
And here you wonder
Why my heart's made of stone.
I've been lying to myself
For ever so long,
That this will get better,
And I need to be strong.
By Bella
4 comments:
Hi! I'm sort of a stranger here but I just wanted to say that you're not alone...I have so felt like that poem before, I have so felt like I've lost hope with things. Still, I always hope for the sun to come up tomorrow to a new day; and I do try to dwell on the positives that have graced my life. Doing this isn't always easy; I have a friend that says to me that's when you get like this you have to do a kindness for someone else, to get your eyes off of yourself. In this, you will be filled with a happiness because you help make someone else's life better. And, of course, he's probably right, but I still want to 'smack' him for suggesting that I'm looking too much at 'me' etc. I'm not saying that this is your case, just please know that you're not alone with your feelings. :)
I thank you for your words and I do understand what you are saying and appreciate them so much
Just a chat or a person answering to this can lift one up a little I am seeing the doctor regarding it all and he is inclined to think with other medical problems I am having right now are contributing to the depression
But Like you said i think sometimes we think too much about ourselfs and start to feel sorry for ourselfs That is so selfish But even when we know this it doesn't stop the problem
Hope you visit now and again and again lol
:)
(I still wanted to belt him one, just for good measure, men! ...but he meant well! ;)
Heelloooo SW. I've been on anti-depressants a couple of times and they've worked for me. I was clinically depressed, but didn't have panic or anxiety attacks, although I did cry at the drop of a hat. The doc told me that my serotonin level had dropped and medication helped raise it again over a period of time. I was against taking tablets in case I got hooked, but that didn't happen. I felt lots better in a matter of weeks and was glad to find that thoughts & incidents didn't affect me; I coped dramatically well. Eventually I reduced the dose week by week, day by day and am fine now. Three of my friends took (and some still take) medication - hey maybe it's me who's making them depressed. I would always be guided by my doctor. Maybe your depression is clinical also and you will never find the reason - it's an accumulation of things I think, but mainly, each time something happens you go lower until you get so low you wonder how you got there. When you're depressed you tend to go into yourself and think about yourself and situations a lot - classic depression signs for me anyway. I know that other than your doctor you are the only person on this earth who can help make you better(with a little help from prayer and us bloggers). Tonight I say to you chins up and look to the future - don't dwell on the past. HGF has given you a special message of encouragement too - I hope all this helps SW. xx for now.
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